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Sunday
Aug232009

Day 52: My Bloodthirsty Readers

I’m amazed at how many people wrote in to say I am lower than soot in a fireplace because I didn’t kill those yuppies. Fitch lost all respect for me. Sneeky looks away when I call him. Nina’s probably twitching in extrasensory disgust. Even some women say I should have tossed my glass in the girl’s face.

JIMMY STEWART KNEW HOW TO CHARM WOMEN THE HARD WAYI’m more the Jimmy Stewart type. Don’t forget who wins the lady in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

I didn’t see much purpose in a fistfight. The president may feel safe from H5N1 in the White House, but I don’t fancy a night or two in jail. If the pandemic still flourishes anywhere in Manhattan, it would be in the Tombs, as we call the local hoosegow. It’s rumored that lots of prisoners caught the flu. The sorriest victims have to be those Mexicans they locked up in Arizona, then forgot to tend: two-thirds muerte.

 

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